Managing twin expectations

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Dylan – doting on dad

While my boys were still baking, they did everything at the same pace. They made the same growth milestones each week; I felt them move on the same day; and they always weighed in the same. That was, right until near the end, when one of the boys, I assume it was Alex, stopped growing and later had the cord wrapped around his neck. Alex was also born flat – meaning that he needed oxygen immediately after birth.

For a while, Dylan was the larger twin, the stronger one, and while Alex was smaller, he was never that far behind. Suddenly though, Alex has outstripped his brother in terms of development, he even weighs more than Dylan now.

His rapid development has me in a torrent of emotions.

It’s absolutely amazing to see him growing and learning everyday. He is leopard crawling his way around many adventurous household items. He pulls up on the “momgle gym” like a pro and if I put my hands out for him, he knows exactly that he needs to put his hands there and use mine for leverage. He also loves to walk while holding daddy’s hands.  – its absolutely amazing.

He is so bright, he loves to look around and is always interested in new things. His daily milestones are uncountable and I spend quite a lot of time in awe of him.

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Alex – Must touch, feel and see everything

Dylan has a very different outlook on life. He prefers to pull things towards himself rather than go towards things. He is happy just to sit on mommy or daddy’s lap and just enjoy some quiet time. He laughs with absolute abandon and will laugh at the same games everyday. Those giggles melt my heart every time.

He loves his dad, and I often catch him looking dotingly at Jon in the hopes that he will pick him up and play. Sometimes, if Jon is playing with Alex, Dylan will pipe up looking for the same attention. It’s a wonderful thing to see how the little things make him happy. He loves to copy the sounds that other people make, especially this grunting sound that the nanny makes and blowing raspberries.

He is reserved around strangers and likes to sit quietly and play with one toy for an age. He does leopard crawl a little, but not very much. He is not all that interested in walking and hasn’t shown any signs of pulling up.

So herein lies the rub: I know in my head that it is absolutely normal for twins to develop at their own pace – all children do. But I often have to hold myself in check, because I often find myself comparing their development.

I am not sure what its like for singleton moms, but when you have twins, their developmental milestones are very apparent by their differences. Some twin moms say their twins developed milestones within weeks of each other, and other moms say their twins were months apart.

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Dylan – Giving love to the world

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Alex – Got two teeth already

So while I am completely aware that the boys will do their own thing in their own time, I can’t help sometimes but worry about them if its taking one of them longer to gain a skill than the other. I have never been any good at managing my expectations, and I don’t want to project my fears on either of my boys (my goodness I sound neurotic). I do try and council myself that there is nothing wrong with either of them, but sometimes I can’t help but worry.

But hopefully, my fears will be put to rest tomorrow. I am taking the boys for their belated 6-month check-up at the Paediatrician and hopefully she will scoff at me and tell me to stop being ridiculous.

It’s a problem that I need to think carefully about, and hopefully I will find a good solution. If there is a mom, or a mom of multiples out there who has the answer – feel free to let me know.

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One response to “Managing twin expectations

  1. Mine were singletons, but achieved their milestones very differently: Daniel walked at 13 months, Matthew at 10 months, for eg. Matthew at nearly five often remembers admin stuff that Daniel at 7,5 forgets. The short version? I reckon every child is different, even I’d they are twins.
    PS I loved this post!

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